To All My Impossible Crushes

Danielle Maihofer
3 min readFeb 17, 2022

As I enter the dating world again, I’ve found myself contemplating all of my impossible crushes.

When you answered my craigslist roomate ad and showed up with a stupid hot bod, I should have thought twice. Blonde hair and blue eyes were not usually my type. It surprised me.

I thought you were joking when you said you would rent the room. I invited you to stay for a beer on the porch. I tried to think of a way to convince you not to take the room and go on a date with me instead.

That didn’t happen.

You moved in with your whiskey and bike collection. Seeing your rare, sparkling smile daily…undid me.

I harbored this crush for 9 months. I talked to everyone about you. I loved our little talks in the evening. I cherished that you never spoke to me before I had coffee. I relished the time you gave me in the living room to “work out.” Which at that point was mostly just dancing and doing yoga to gangster rap. You took me to buy my very first bike.

Was I obsessed? Yes. Absolutely.

Was it about you? Not really.

Sure, the insane attraction I felt was real, but you kept your distance and I don’t know if I ever really got to know you. Not really.

Looking back, I probably should have done things slightly differently. Taking that picture of the moon, in the alley outside your bedroom window, was…well, ill-advised.

You, in a towel, looking terrified and slowly closing the blinds is an image burned into my memory.

It was a really beautiful moon. I still have the picture.

I shouldn’t have invited myself to your friend’s Halloween party and made fun of everyone when I felt uncomfortable.

I shouldn’t have asked you for advice about guys when I was really trying to discern your tastes in women.

I shouldn’t have pretended that I liked whiskey. Although, I eventually did. Thanks for that.

I shouldn’t have told you about the yearning crush I had. You were set to move out in three months anyway. I could have waited.

Everyone told me not to. All my friends said it would pass. But 9 months later, I still had a burning desire to tell you how I felt.

You were so very sweet about it. I think I cried. You listened to me so intently. You took it all in and accepted my feelings without judgment and politely expressed you did not feel the same.

You moved out a month later. In a very considerate fashion.

I tried to invent bike problems I couldn’t fix to keep in touch. It didn’t really work.

But here’s the truth, my craigslist crush, you allowed me to move on from so many self sabotaging habits. I was finally able to see a man who was kind AND hot, with similar interests and a stellar sense of humor. You respected me (and yourself) enough to do the right thing.

More men like you followed:

A good friend.

A drummer.

An actor.

A friend with benefits.

A ghost.

I told them all about my feelings. I drunkenly tried to kiss them, I cried and bared my soul, I made inappropriate jokes, I forced the words: “will you go on a date with me?” out of my mouth and into their burning ears.

Always devastatingly embarrassed after, always heartbroken. But I never regretted it.

You were all very kind to me.

I feel so lucky to have been rejected by such compassionate people. I also received invaluable lessons from each of you. Some of you are even still teaching me.

I learned the history and complicated differences in bourbons.

Knowledge about the basic care and maintenance of a bicycle.

How to play a little on the drums.

But mostly I learned to value myself. It’s strange that rejection taught me that.

But it did.

The thing you all had in common was self respect and self reliance.

Two qualities I was greatly lacking but desperately admired.

There came a point when I realized I didn’t need to find someone who possessed these qualities and wait to absorb them like a sponge.

I could grow them myself.

So I stopped investing time in obsessing over which outfit would attract your attention and started investing that time in myself. I’m quite happy with the results so far. I will carry your lessons with me.

And for those of you entering the dating world again. My advice: in a world full of ghosts, be kind.

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